The confidence conundum/Självförtroendets Catch 22
The Confidence Conundrum
How are you supposed to be confident about something when you have nothing to feel confident about? Like, how are you supposed to be confident at your new job if you’ve never done this type of work before?
Or, how are you supposed to be confident in social situations when everyone before been a total disaster? Or, how are you supposed to be confident in a relationship when you never been in a successful relationship before?
At the surface, confidence appears to be like the rich get richer and the poor stay as fucking losers. After all, if you’ve never experienced much social acceptance, and you lack confidence around new people. That lack of confidence is what makes people think you’re clingy and weird and not accept you. Same deal goes for relationships. No confidence in intimacy will lead to bad break ups.
If you’ve always feel lost in life, then how could you ever rationally expect to be a winner? And if you never expect to be a winner, then you’re going to act like a loser. There is how the cycle of life sucking continues. That is the confidence conundrum.
Its where in order to be happy or loved or successful, first you need to be confident; but then to be confident, first you need to be happy or loved or successful.And like the catch22 dilemma you always will end up right back where you started, over and over again. Because somebody has something like a shit load of money, a bitchin body with a six pack to go, doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is confident.There are billionaires who totally lack confidence in their own wealth, models who lack confidence in their looks, and celebrities who lack confidence in their own popularity.
So, confidence is not necessarily linked to any external marker. Our confidence is rooted in the perception of ourselves. Because our confidence is not linked to any external measurement, we can conclude that improving external aspects of won’t necessarily build confidence.
if you’ve lived more than a couple decades, you’ve experienced this in some form or another. -Getting a promotion at your job doesn’t necessarily make you more confident in your professional abilities. In fact, it can often make you feel less confident. -Dating and/or sleeping with more people doesn’t necessarily make you feel more confident about how attractive you are. -Moving in together or getting married to someone doesn’t necessarily make you feel any more confident in your relationship. This is because; confidence is a feeling. It’s a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. That you are equipped with everything you need, both now and for the future.
A person confident in their social life will feel as though they lack nothing in their social skills. A person with no confidence in their social life believes that they will fuck up a pizza party for nerds. It’s this perception of lacking something that creates a behavior feeding the social miss fitting acwerdess.
The obvious and most common answer to this problem is to simply believe that you lack nothing. That you already have, or at least deserve, whatever you need to have to make you confident. But this sort of thinking — believing you’re already beautiful even though you’re a pizza eating slob in dirty sweet pants. Or believing you’re a business success story, even if the only business you ever done is selling some weed to a few friends then smoked the rest your self.
This only leads to the kind of insufferable narcissism that causes people to argue that obesity should be celebrated as the highest form of beauty, and the weed smoking looser thinking his business is blooming, and only sleeping in his car because he likes the freedom.
No, the solution to the confidence conundrum is not to feel as you lack nothing and delude yourself into believing you already possess everything you could ever dream of. The solution is to simply become comfortable with what you potentially lack. The big charade with confidence is that it has nothing to do with the comfort of what we achieve and everything to do with the comfort of what we don’t achieve. In that lays the actual conundrum.
People who are confident in business are confident because they’re comfortable with failure. People who are confident in their social lives are confident because they’re comfortable with rejection. People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they’re comfortable with getting hurt.
The truth is that the way to the positive goes through the negative. Those among us who are the most comfortable with negative experiences are those who reap the most benefits. It’s counter intuitive, but it’s absolutely true. Comfort in our failures allows us to act without fear, to engage without judgment, to love without conditions. It’s the only solution of this catch 22 dilemma. The only way of solving this confidence conundrum.
So I’m posting this with full confidence. And if everyone think, this is just a shit load of bull. I couldn’t care less.