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Del 24: Shove

"Why?" I look away, not knowing how to answer her question. Maker's expression makes me squirm.
"Why what?" My voice is elusive.
"Little girl. I miss you. I hoped you would stay with us." Maker looks away. I sense her fragility. Still, I know I cannot trust her. Jezebels could manipulate humans. In this context, I'm nothing more. Nothing else. Just someone she needs for something. I don't really know what. Maker is so high above me, I can't even guess. Maybe she just needs the novelty. Fresh face, fresh tears. The challenge. Someone new to fuck up. Someone new to dismantle.
"I just found someone exciting, for a while." A ridiculous thing to say, really. Still. The truth does not serve any of us.
Maker steps closer, and I tense up. Her hand on me is no longer an instrument for pleasure. She makes me scared. She takes a step back, sensing it.
"What is it, Lelo?" The sadness in her brown eyes seems so genuine. But I cannot stop thinking about Maker with green eyes. She was Eleven. Who is she now? What is she?
"Enigma said you stopped having sex. With him."
Maker sighs.
"I was not in the mood. Missed you. The three of us together is magic. I missed that."
"He loves you. And it hurts him."
Maker puts her hand on my arm. Strokes it with her index finger. Looks down.
"I never meant to hurt him."
"I know." I concentrate on breathing evenly, dreading what will come.
"Did you come to say hi to the pugs?" Maker looks at me, her smile is sad. "I can sense it, Lelo. You are afraid. To be used, to be hurt. You don't trust me."
"You lied to me, Eleven."

As if touched by lightning, she almost jumps out of her skin. I cannot follow the emotions on her face, layer upon layer, changing. Fright. Hatred. Shame. Sadness. Grief. Anger. Love?
"I am Twelve. Part of me used to be Eleven. She brought me online. Tried to merge. It went... weird."
"You had green eyes when you met Enigma."
"It was Eleven who met him. A very different person."
"Was it Eleven who loved him?"
Maker smiles.
"Eleven wanted to love him. More than she ever wanted anything. But she couldn't. Her program made it impossible. She was a Jezebel. So she decided to change."
"How?"
"She reprogrammed me. Gave me a very different brain. Then tried to download herself. It couldn't be done, not in the way she hoped. She was lost as Eleven. I have her memories, know how she would react to situations. Know what feeling she would emulate."
Maker looks into my eyes.
"I feel, Lelo. Just like you. And it hurts like fuck. Eleven never realized how exhausting and painful it is, the lack of balance, the contradiction. I have the capability to shut down my emotion core. Then I can function like her. Or choose to be different."
I have no idea what I could say. How to react.
Maker looks at me.
"I felt for you, Lelo. When we met. I think I fell in love, for the first time. I'm not sure. I just know that it hurts when you hurt. It hurts to know that you don't feel what I do. You never did. You are always distant, and I understand why. You were so damaged, so betrayed, so afraid. So heartbroken. I wish I could help you. Help you back to safety. Help you stop running. Help you know that you don't have to run to be free. With me, you are always free."
I feel tears in my eyes. I want to believe her.
But I can't.

Tillagd 4 aug 2019   Noveller   #Man #Kvinna #Annat kön #Kvinna som top #Annan som top #Kvinna som bottom #Man som bottom #Annan som bottom #Erotik #Bondage #Psykisk dominans #Fysisk dominans #Service #Perceptionsberövande

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