Kiss and tell

Del 20: Over it

"I thought I was alright. That I was over him, finally. Over how he killed me. But I'm not. Apparently."
Trinity looks at me, her eyes are human now. Compassionate. She hugs me. Covers me with her wings. I wipe my eyes.
"I started crying in yoga class. Couldn't fucking help it. The tears wouldn't stop. I just hope nobody saw me."
"Because of Wolf?" Trinity's kisses are meant to be soothing. I see her heart beating. Faster than usual.
"He scarred me. And I'm still bleeding. It hurts. And I'm always scared. It feels like I can't ever trust anyone anymore. Least of all myself."
"Because you still feel love for him."
I look at her. Suddenly I realize how similar we really are. Like looking into a mirror. Not physically, of course. Trinity is unlike anyone I've ever seen. Part angel, part tiger, part live current. I am drawn to her. And she is drawn to me. To the hurt. I wouldn't have met her without Wolf. She wouldn't have seen me at all. Will she leave me if my wounds heal? I am afraid to ask her. Afraid of hearing the no, knowing it is a yes.

"Is that why you don't love me?"
I am taken aback by her question. By the look in her eyes, mirroring my feelings. So ready to love, so afraid of it. I see her heart beating, as fast as mine.
"I am scared you will leave me." I look down, feel tears pool in my eyes. "I've never felt good enough for you, Trinity."
"There is nothing I wouldn't do to stop you feeling that way."
"But there is nothing you can do." I try to take a step back, but her arms around me tighten.
"Let me go, Trinity."
She shakes her head.
"You will find someone better."
"I can't let you go, Honey. You and I, we are two pieces of the puzzle. You're hooked into my heart. I need you."
"Wolf said something like that once."
"I'm not Wolf. And you are not the nymph you once were. You have grown. And you will keep growing. Changing. I would love to see that. See you, becoming."
"I don't want to belong to anyone, Trinity."
"Good. I want you to be free."
"I'm not free. I'm just afraid of being hurt when you leave me."

Trinity looks at me.
"So am I, Honey. You've seen me without my cover. Without the wings, without the bravado. You've seen me as I am. I was sure you'd leave. But you didn't. You have hurt me, but you stayed. You didn't run from your worst. Or mine. Please, let me be that to you. The one that stays. Fucks up and stays to mop up the mess."
She kisses me, my tears are making her face wet, but she lets them. I feel her heart beating in sync with mine.
"I know what you think."
"You do?"
"And they lived happily ever after."
"Amen to that. Now come and fuck me."
"I thought you'd never ask."

Print  Alster ID 23099  Abuseanmäl 

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